I've finally settled into a routine here in VT. Class, running, homework, work-study, rinse, repeat. The problem is that I don't like it. I'm eternally antsy, pacing around my apartment with no idea if I want to run or sleep or bust a move.
Part of the problem is that meeting new people here has been more of a challenge than I anticipated. Or I'm having more difficulty adjusting than I was expecting. One of the two. There are only 9 kids in my program and we only have class with each other. We get along pretty well; not quite a family, but there's hasn't been any major catty-ness yet. The problem is they all live on the other side of the hill and me being carless means that I'm dependent on the bus schedule and therefore less able to just go when plans come up last minute and no one can give me a ride. This leads to them thinking that I think I'm too good to hang out with them because I never join in the social events. That's not true, but when I get the cold shoulder and snide comments, it definitely doesn't make me want to put more effort in.
That's the other thing. I feel like I'm putting way more effort into friendships than other people. I'm near always willing to listen about someone's day or problems with my full attention, but I don't feel like I have my person out here yet that I can go talk to when I feel insecure or just need a hug. That sucks. Especially coming from CSBSJU where I had a dozen people to pick from on those occasions. And I also feel like when we do try plan fun things, there's minimal follow through. For example, tonight we had planned to go to the UVM men's hockey game. Fun right? Thing is you have to physically go to the ticket office and show them your ID to get your free student ticket. Kind of a hassle, but we're all on campus every day anyways. So I kept up my end, got my ticket Tuesday morning and thought all was good except no one else did and by the time they did get their lazy butts to the office Wednesday afternoon, all the student tickets were gone. Now I'm left with a lone ticket looking at a boring Saturday night in the building when we could have been out trying new things and having fun. That just really frustrates me because then I miss out because of other people's inability to remember commitments. I know I could go alone, but that would be just as depressing...
Maybe I was raised to place more importance on these types of things than other people, but if you don't have any follow through or loyalty than what do you have? And if you don't make people a priority in your life, what is? I know I can be and definitely used to be a very separative person, but I've come to learn that it's the people, not the places, that make life special. Maybe they just need more time to learn that, but my patience is wearing thin.
Part of the problem is that meeting new people here has been more of a challenge than I anticipated. Or I'm having more difficulty adjusting than I was expecting. One of the two. There are only 9 kids in my program and we only have class with each other. We get along pretty well; not quite a family, but there's hasn't been any major catty-ness yet. The problem is they all live on the other side of the hill and me being carless means that I'm dependent on the bus schedule and therefore less able to just go when plans come up last minute and no one can give me a ride. This leads to them thinking that I think I'm too good to hang out with them because I never join in the social events. That's not true, but when I get the cold shoulder and snide comments, it definitely doesn't make me want to put more effort in.
That's the other thing. I feel like I'm putting way more effort into friendships than other people. I'm near always willing to listen about someone's day or problems with my full attention, but I don't feel like I have my person out here yet that I can go talk to when I feel insecure or just need a hug. That sucks. Especially coming from CSBSJU where I had a dozen people to pick from on those occasions. And I also feel like when we do try plan fun things, there's minimal follow through. For example, tonight we had planned to go to the UVM men's hockey game. Fun right? Thing is you have to physically go to the ticket office and show them your ID to get your free student ticket. Kind of a hassle, but we're all on campus every day anyways. So I kept up my end, got my ticket Tuesday morning and thought all was good except no one else did and by the time they did get their lazy butts to the office Wednesday afternoon, all the student tickets were gone. Now I'm left with a lone ticket looking at a boring Saturday night in the building when we could have been out trying new things and having fun. That just really frustrates me because then I miss out because of other people's inability to remember commitments. I know I could go alone, but that would be just as depressing...
Maybe I was raised to place more importance on these types of things than other people, but if you don't have any follow through or loyalty than what do you have? And if you don't make people a priority in your life, what is? I know I can be and definitely used to be a very separative person, but I've come to learn that it's the people, not the places, that make life special. Maybe they just need more time to learn that, but my patience is wearing thin.
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